Tragic Optimism and Little Wins
recent career milestones and visions of life after this postdoc
I can’t help but smile.
I’ve seen Sinners in movie theatres. I saw Wicked in 2024, also with a Black lead, the last time I saw my niece and have loved it ever since.
Megan Thee Stallion just released a new song and Beyonce goes on tour in a few weeks. Not to mention, we’re firmly in graduation season!
Oh how I love to see it! People are moving forward and nothing sets my heart alight like Black people succeeding. Prospering. Enjoying themselves and their passions. Seeing it reminds me that the point of life is to make the most of it for as long as you have it. Whatever “the most” means for you.
Since the death of my niece, in coping with a grief wholly new to me, I’ve begun pondering lately what “the most” of my life really looks like. Asking myself, if I know this is the only life I’ll get, what exactly do I want to do with it?
I only asked these questions recently, in early April when the change in season inspires us with hope for positive change. The answers I’ve gotten so far - from myself and the universe - leave me tragically optimistic.
Tragic optimism in the face of grief
Algorithms get a lot of hate in the current social landscape but I personally love working them to my advantage. I have separate profiles that feed me different things and my astute compartmentalization has left me with such timely and aligned media that never fails to speak to me.
My YouTube channel home page recently recommended a video by Dasia Sade titled “The Tragic Optimist’s Guide to Surviving Capitalistic Nihilism”, thereby introducing me to the philosophy of tragic optimism. I love discovering that there are names and studies behind things that I only knew of intuitively.
The term tragic optimism was defined by Victor Frankl’s work titled Man’s Search for Meaning and is “the ability to maintain hope and find meaning in life, despite its inescapable pain, loss, and suffering.” This philosophy was inspired by his time in German concentration camps where his focus on returning to his family and living a new life kept him alive. The acceptance of struggles and trauma as inevitable learning opportunities instead of punishments allowed room for hope and change. [ Degges-White 2022 ] [ Stulberg 2023 ]
As someone with a generally bubbly and optimistic disposition, reading and hearing about this philosophy resonated with me deeply. Grief introduced a level of pragmatism and nihilism that could have very easily turned into bitterness and isolation. Luckily, reading into this new perspective helped add context to those emotions. I’ve found light in the future and beauty again in the present - and I feel peace knowing that beauty doesn’t go away just because the sun goes down at night.
Implementing this perspective shift in my life lately has look liked crying when I feel moved to and then going on a walk in the sunshine after. It looks like sharing a memory of Adajha and smiling as I start to tear up. It looks like talking to my siblings weekly to stay connected while appreciating the beauty of my own space. Embracing the duality of life the way I’ve embraced the duality within myself.
Recognizing and truly accepting the weight of my role in making the most of this one life I’ve been given.
making the most of it by moving forward
Depression always creates a sort of nearsightedness within me. I start feeling unable to see past a certain point in time. Like I’m looking at a comic book and all the pages are black but the one I’m on. I felt it this intensely when I went through my transition to adulthood after undergrad - moving across the country to live on my own. Seems appropriate that I felt the feeling return this February as I’ve reached a new transition in my life -the kind that happens when trauma creates a timestamp of “before” and “after” that moment.
Only recently have I been able to see the images on the future pages on my life and that’s in part due to the progress I’m seeing in my career. Reaching milestones that confirm to me that I’ve not stopped moving (despite feeling like it) and still have somewhere to go. Three of those major milestones have been:
1) Signing my renewal contract for my postdoctoral position.
I knew going in that postdocs were 1-5 year positions and my P.I told me he had enough funding for 2 years but I’d have to approved for renewal. This renewal feels like a stamp of affirmation that I’m doing good work and making progress and makes me feel proud.
This contract does also put a deadline on my time here and signals the search for a new permanent position as a researcher. Knowing that I’m back on the job market this fall has lit a new fire under me for making even more research progress.
2) Getting my first 1st author publication in the Journal of Sickle Cell Disease
While I didn’t know the specifics of what author order means in publications until recently, I always knew being the first name was a big deal. So I’m beyond ecstatic to have my very own first author publication and that it’s actually in my field of expertise.
My previous publications were collaborative and still amazing but the topics they cover aren’t what I want to be known for. Having a paper about mathematical modeling in disease research aligns well with my ideal career and being the first author highlights just how much work I personally put into it. (It’s a chapter from my dissertation)
This excites me because it feels like a true introduction of who Dr. Quindel Jones is and the kind of work I want to do. I’m eager to follow this up with more publications in my area of expertise.
3) Signing the lease to a new apartment
Once I knew that I had a job here still, I could officially look for a new place to live. As the organized and efficient woman I am, I found and signed a new lease within the week after signing my contract!
This excites me because I truly do love novelty. Freshness. New beginnings. A home where I didn’t cry on the steps in front of my door. A place where I get to create a new safe space and haven for myself.
Knowing that I have somewhere to move to has brought back that picture of the future. A space for me to imagine a different life. A new era of possibility.
life after postdoc?
Life is moving forward and I must move with it. These new milestones feel like entryway markers to the woman I have been becoming and all this positive motion has me feeling called to rise to the occasion and lock back in. I’ve been giving myself a lot of grace (and truly always will) but now I’m ready to make things happen. Give the intentional effort I know I’ve been keeping to myself.
Because when this postdoc ends, I must have a job. And therefore, I will have a job.
Specifically, I’m aiming to be a tenure track assistant professor at a research institution with little to no teaching load. I will run laboratory experiments, write and code up computational models of disease pathology, and publish works that aid in the development of new methodological practices and new disease treatment therapies.
To do so requires I continue to create publishable works in bio mathematics, apply and receive grant funding, and network appropriately to find aligned collaborators, mentors, and mentees.
Feels funny to say that at 28 I still feel like my life is just starting but it’s true.
I remember now that everyday I’m blessed to see is an opportunity - to love more, learn more, do more, and be more.
So that’s exactly what I’m gonna do and I hope you join me!
I document my life as a Black woman studying medicine through math on my YouTube channel - Live With Dr Quin. I share weekly lifestyle vlogs all about healthy habits, productivity, and work life balance.
I recently shared a weekly vlog where I talk about the changes I’ve felt within during Quarter One of 2025 and walk through a step by step reset for Quarter Two. Watch it here: